MIXUNDERSTOOD

EP 25: Maria Fernanda's Unwavering Search to Reunite with Her First Mom (Part 2)

In part 1, we explored what it was like for Maria Fernanda growing up as a mixed-race transracial adoptee. We delved into the emotional complexities of birthdays as an adoptee, what it was like growing up with white parents, and being in an interracial relationship and getting pregnant unexpectedly. Becoming a young mom was a turning point for Maria Fernanda, who says it was the moment of “coming out of the fog” when she started to want answers and began the arduous journey of searching for her “First mother.”

Now, in part 2, we delve deeper into the emotional and challenging journey of uncovering adoption records that seemed almost impossible to access. Our exploration follows the relentless efforts to contact consulates, embassies, and a now-defunct adoption agency, leading to a surprising breakthrough. This realization highlights the systemic barriers many adoptees face when seeking answers, underscoring the ongoing struggles within the adoption process. Join us as we continue Maria's story of resilience, determination, and the importance of community and support.

 

• Maria Fernanda’s emotional journey of searching for biological family members:
• Efforts to find her mother and brother through online messages and social media.
• Maria Fernanda’s first hand experience with a scam and the Importance of caution to avoid scams. 
• Maria Ferdanda’s determination and resilience in navigating the complexities of searching for one's roots amidst a global pandemic. The Detective work she did to find clues and put the pieces of info together. Inspired by the movie "Lion," using Google Earth to investigate further.
• Initial dead ends and emotional highs and lows in the pursuit.
• How she finally was able to be connected with her first mother after decades of separation and begin the reunion process.
• The Immediate and profound connection despite language barriers as well as the challenges of communication through a translator.
• Mix of joy and pain in such reunions, impact of past trauma.
• Delays in in-person meeting due to the global pandemic.
• Maria Fernanda’s first trip back to Quito with her family to meet her birth family.
• Challenges faced by adoptees, particularly from Latin America, in navigating identity and reunions with biological families.
• The ongoing challenges around being an adoptee. Her personal experience of proving citizenship for a child's college application, highlighting bureaucratic hurdles.
• Maria Fernanda’s Creation of Adoptees of Latin America plus Extended Latin Americas and the Guia Nova mentoring program.
• Need for supportive communities that understand the unique grief and joy adoptees experience.
• The mental health impacts of adoption and importance of trauma-informed care and supportive networks.
• The role of community in acknowledging and processing trauma and loss, ensuring adoptees can thrive.

 

Find Maria Fernanda:

Instagram: 

@abutterflyseries

Adoptees of Latin America+ Extended Latin Americas: https://www.asa-extendedlatinamericas.com/creators

Guia Nova:

Instagram @guianovamentoring

 

Patreon!

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Facebook: @mixunderstoodpod

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Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

Patreon!

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EP 24: Resilience Redefined: Maria Fernanda's Transracial Adoption Experience (Part 1)

How does a transracial adoptee navigate the intricate tapestry of identity, culture, and belonging? Join us as Maria Fernanda, a passionate advocate and voice for adoptees, shares her heart-wrenching yet empowering journey from Quito, Ecuador, to her adoptive home in the United States. Maria's story is one of resilience and determination, as she unveils the emotional complexities of birthdays as an adoptee, the painstaking process of uncovering adoption records, and the profound impact of reclaiming her identity and reconnecting with her birth family.

Maria discusses her transformative work in co-creating Adoptees of Latin America plus Extended Latin Americas and Guia Nova, emphasizing the significance of community and support for those navigating similar paths. She opens up about the challenges of growing up in a family of a different race, the emotional nuances of international adoption, and the intense moments of "coming out of the fog" to face the realities of her past. Her journey is marked by poignant reunions with her birth mother, navigating medical documentation as an adoptee, and the emotional roller coaster of finding her biological family amidst a global pandemic.

This episode is a testament to the importance of keeping adoptees' voices central in adoption conversations, highlighting the critical need for empathy, understanding, and trauma-informed care. 

This episode marks the first of a two-part series.

 

Show notes:

• When Maria Fernanda found out she didn't really know her birthday
• We talk about the mix of feelings that come up around birthdays, especially for someone like Maria who was adopted.
•  
• The privilege of having access to personal documents in the Adoptee community
• Maria Fernand’s adoptive family dynamics
• Mari Fernanda challenge the "savior" narrative often associated with adoptive parents, emphasizing the importance of recognizing the birth families' circumstances and humanity
• The importance of centering the voices of adoptees and their first families, rather than solely highlighting the adoptive parents' actions.
• The complexities of growing up as a mixed-race adoptee in a predominantly white environment.
• Growing up as a mixed-race adoptee in a mostly white environment comes with its own set of challenges. A racist encounter Maria had outside her dance class is just one example
• The diverse experiences within the same household, highlighting how each adoptee's journey is unique.
• Maria Fernanda’s moment of "coming out of the fog” as she became a young mom.
• The emotional and logistical challenges faced by adoptees in navigating medical and personal history documentation
• The frustration of filling out forms at the OBGYN that lack an option for adoptees, highlighting the need for medical professionals to be more informed and empathetic.

 

Find Maria Fernanda:

Instagram: 

@abutterflyseries

Adoptees of Latin America+ Extended Latin Americas: https://www.asa-extendedlatinamericas.com/creators

Guia Nova:

Instagram @guianovamentoring

Patreon!

https://patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

  

Follow Mixunderstood!

Instagram: @mixunderstoodpod

Facebook: @mixunderstoodpod

Twitter/X: @Mix_understood

Tik Tok: @mixunderstood.pod

 

Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

Patreon!

https://patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

 

 

EP 23: Rejection to Reclamation: Patrick's Transracial Adoption Journey

Identity is not a destination but a journey, especially for transracial adoptees. In this Episode we are diving into the conversation around transracial and transcultural adoption. I am honored to host Patrick Samuel Young Armstrong, a multifaceted individual, a podcaster, speaker, creator and a new father. Patrick's journey as a Korean-American, transracial and transcultural adoptee is a profound exploration of identity and acceptance. From a childhood marked by rejection to a transformative awakening at 30, Patrick's story is one of reclaiming and embracing his heritage and humanity all while fostering community within the adoptee and Asian American realms. Join us for a heartfelt conversation with Patrick.

 

Shownotes:

• Patrick’s first childhood memory

The circumstances surrounding his birth in Korea, and the subsequent adoption to Indiana at just three months old

• Patrick shares his recent efforts to connect with his birth mother and the unexpected developments in that search, shedding light on the emotional and personal challenges of tracing his roots
• The unexpected news from the adoptive agency and what followed.
• Why Partick wrote 40 letters to his birth mom.
• What happens when the protective layers we've built are stripped away, revealing an emotional void? Patrick discusses the tension between control and agency on the adoption journey
• The complex emotions of becoming a father for the first time. Reflecting on seeing his DNA in his child
• The tools and coping mechanisms that have been essential in navigating these life changes, including the crucial role of therapy
• Patrick shares about his first 30 years of navigating life as an Asian American adoptee in a predominantly white community. Growing up in a colorblind household, experiences of subtle and overt racism were often minimized or dismissed by family members, leading to internalized rejection of identity.
• The profound impact of rejection, particularly in the context of adoption, and how it shapes personal identity and emotional well-being. We reflect on the lack of historical research on adoption and the misconception that adopted children will seamlessly integrate into their new families.
• Patrick’s turning point triggered by a scene in the movie "Always Be My Maybe" 
• Patrick shares about his  journey of self-discovery and embracing his heritage and identity.
• The multifaceted nature of the foster care system ranging from loving homes to systemic issues that undermine the foster kids experience.
• The emotional and transformative journey of personal growth and mutual support between Patrick and his adoptive  mother.

 

Connect with Patrick!

Instagram: @patrickintheworld

 

Podcasts:

1. The Janchi show: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-janchi-show/id1529913015
2. Conversation Piece: https://www.conversationpiecepod.com/
3. Check Other

 

Studies:

 “Too Korean to be white and too white to be Korean” : 

https://www.holtinternational.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Too-Korean-to-be-White.pdf

 

The adoptee consciousness model:

https://intercountryadopteevoices.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/adoptee-consciousness-model.pdf

 

Patreon!

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Follow Mixunderstood!

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Facebook: @mixunderstoodpod

Twitter/X: @Mix_understood

Tik Tok: @mixunderstood.pod

 

Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

Patreon!

https://patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

 

 

 

Ep 22: Wholeness and Inclusivity: A Children's Book for Mixed Kids with Shola Oz

In this Episode we're spotlighting Shola Oz, the author of the children’s book “I am whole” 

Growing up as a first-generation immigrant in the bustling and diverse city of London, Shola learned early on to embrace and celebrate people from all walks of life.

Shola's path to authorship was anything but conventional. Motivated by the lack of positive representation for mixed-race children, she was inspired to write "I Am Whole" after persistent, rhyming lines kept appearing in her dreams. This passion project transcended her immediate circle, resonating particularly in the US, and underlining the global hunger for inclusive narratives.

Inspired by raising her own multicultural and mixed-race daughter, "I Am Whole" aims to take away the focus on color and identification with one culture over another by focusing on language, family and traditions.  

join us as we dive into Shola's personal journey and the heartwarming stories from her mixed family, From navigating the pressures of conforming to beauty standards in a predominantly white corporate world to embracing her natural hair, Shola's story is one of empowerment and self-acceptance. We explore the cultural significance of Nigerian naming traditions and the heartfelt desire to reconnect with her roots. Shola's journey is a testament to the power of authenticity, resilience, and the importance of celebrating one’s identity.

 

Show notes:

 

• Three fun facts about Shola - Horror, Thai & Moulin Rouge…
• Shola’s unexpected inspiration for her Children’s book
• Insights from “I am whole book” which focuses on embracing multiple cultures through language, family, and traditions rather than solely on skin color
• The experience of writing a children's book for mixed-race kids by a mother who is not mixed race herself.
• Shola’s personal experiences in an interracial and intercultural relationship, highlighting conversations about race and micro-aggressions with her Italian English husband.
• Shola’s mixed family experience in England vs Ital.
• Shola’s experiences as a black woman in London vs Overseas.
• Shola shares about what she did to assimilate as a Black woman in the corporate world particularly the pressures to conform to certain beauty standards.
• Why did Shola change her daughter’s name when she was 2 years old.
• The meaning behind her daughter's name.
• The cultural significance and traditions surrounding naming ceremonies in Nigerian culture, particularly for twins.
• Shola’s sense of home vs her mother’s sense of home as a Nigerian immigrant. 
• Writer’s block and Hanna-Lee’s pitch for a second book.
• Shola’s book recommendations
• A special impromptu song from Shola…

 

Find Shola Oz:

@Iamwholebook

Email: iamwholebook@gmail.com

https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Multi-Racial-Childrens-Celebrating-Diversity/dp/183834330X

 

Patreon!

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Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

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EP 21: Cultivating Balance and Growth in Your Multicultural Family with Mareike and Kim

In this episode, I chat with sisters Kim Serena and Mareike Matthies. Raised in Munich, they now navigate the challenges of intercultural family life, with partners from Venezuela and Italy, bringing a rich mix of languages and cultures into their homes. Through their project, "A Couple of Cultures," Kim and Mareike help other intercultural couples by sharing personal stories and professional tips on raising bilingual kids and blending different cultural backgrounds.

Kim and Mareike stress the importance of communication and tolerance in maintaining harmony in multicultural families. They also offer practical tips for nurturing strong dual cultural identities in children, providing valuable lessons for anyone living in a multicultural world.

 

Show notes:

• Introduction to Mareike and Kim
• 3 Fun facts about Mareike and Kim
• How the German sisters met their husbands from Italy and Spain and the moves they made to make the intercultural relationship work. 

• Taking change and potentially transient lifestyle in multicultural families. 
• Being aware of the roles that each partner plays if you happen to be living in the home Country of one of the partners and making a conscious effort to perhaps switch up those roles and move to another country for a chapter. 
• Growth and balance in a relationship.
• The culture that you create as a couple. 
• Working together to make sure that the needs of each partner are met.
• Local vs global community and how both are important. People that will understand your multi cultural lifestyle demands and needs as well as local friends.
• Long-distance travel with young children 
• ​​The importance of preemptively discussing big questions such as language, religion, and the involvement of grandparents. Avoiding judgment and valuation in everyday parenting, particularly when it comes to advice from grandmothers with their own cultural biases
• The intricacies and challenges of raising children in a multicultural household.
• Making the most of an intercultural partner in the sense of challenging why you do things the way you do. Asking yourself if doing things a certain way is a conscious choice or just an automatic thing your culture does. Doing this gives you the option to choose how you want to do things and being exposed to your partner's culture can give you more options. 

• Communication - Debriefing after the event - What happened? Why did you react that way? And that way learning to decipher where the behavior is coming from - Personality, parents, environment, culture etc..
• The sisters share funny anecdotes from their multicultural family life

 

Patreon!

https://patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

 

Mareike and Kim:

https://www.acoupleofcultures.com

Instagram: @acoupleofcultures

 

Follow Mixunderstood!

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Facebook: @mixunderstoodpod

Twitter/X: @Mix_understood

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Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

Patreon!

https://patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

 

EP 20: Making Up Our Own Rules! Raising Mixed Kids - With Psychologist Dr. Jenn

In this episode, we sit down with licensed psychologist Dr. Jennifer Noble, also known as Dr. Jenn, and delve into the challenges and limitations that might arise when raising mixed race kids and learn how to ownership of the process.

We also have a second surprise visit by my former co-host Amy Maghera! 

Dr. Jenn shares invaluable insights on supporting mixed race kids, navigating racial identity, and overcoming microaggressions. Hanna-Lee opens up about her own fears and hesitations about becoming a parent from a multicultrual perspective. This episode is packed with practical advice!

We also take a playful quiz from Dr. Jenn’s website to wrap up the conversation. 

• Introduction to Dr. Jenn
• 3 Fun Facts about Dr. Jenn
• Challenges Parents of Mixed Kids Face
• Parenting Mixed Kids during the Pandemic: A George Floyd Example
• Reservations and Tactics for Supporting Mixed Kids: Race, Microaggressions, and Identity
• A Parent's Journey: Changing Perspectives on Race and Mixed Experiences
• Hanna-Lee's Multicultural Parenting Fears and Inner Conflict
• Navigating Mixed Identity: Avoiding the "Right Answer" Trap
• Connecting Kids to Your Story vs. Group Rules
• Learning and Growing with Your Kids: Embracing Culture and Language
• Being a Cultural Ambassador: Shared Parenting Roles
• Technical and Financial Considerations of Multicultural Parenting
• Grieving the Loss of Culture: Acknowledgment and Acceptance
• Amy and Hanna-Lee Take the Quiz on Dr. Jenn’s Site
• Closing anecdote from Dr Jenn, about fully being who you are and letting people around you adjust.

 

Your support means everything. If you enjoy this podcast and would like to help us keep the conversation going, consider supporting us on Patreon at patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod 

 

Connect with Dr Jenn!

@drjennpsych

https://www.drjenntherapy.com/www.drjennpsych.com

Get you tix to FREE TO BE FEST: (Discount code: MIXUNDERSTOOD10)

https://freetobefest2024.rsvpify.com/?securityToken=50xMnp92inevIlPU9rPvuHGq5JareozG

 

Find Amy Maghera on Instagram: @amy.maghera

 

Follow!

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Facebook: @mixunderstoodpod

Twitter/X: @Mix_understood

Tik Tok: @mixunderstood.pod

 

Contact:

Email: mixunderstoodpod@gmail.com

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

Patreon!

https://patron.podbean.com/mixunderstoodpod

 

 

 

 

 

Ep 19: Love and Survival - The Origins of Mestizo Identity Through Gonzalo Guerrero and Zazil Ha

 In today's unique episode, we're exploring the remarkable story of Gonzalo Guerrero and Zazil Ha, one of the earliest mixed-race couples in Latin American history. Gonzalo, a Spanish sailor, and Zazil Ha, a Mayan princess, came together to create a family that symbolized the merging of Spanish and indigenous cultures, marking the origins of the mestizo identity. This episode provides a vivid picture of the early 1500s in the Yucatan Peninsula, a time when European powers were driven by exploration and conquest. Join us as we journey through the lush and culturally rich world of the Maya and discover how these two extraordinary individuals found each other amidst the turbulence of their time.

 

References/sources:

https://www.thehistorycorner.org/articles-by-the-team/99yobciicyzjpl78wsb7maikyubro6#:~:text=Gonzalo%20Guerrero%20was%20born%20in,%E2%80%9D%20(Cuba%2C%20nowadays).

 

https://latinamericanpost.com/americas/heritage-en/the-father-of-the-mixed-race-a-story-of-romance/

 

https://belize.com/belize-is-cradle-of-latin-americas-mestizo-ethnic-group/

 

https://www.thevintagenews.com/2019/03/25/gonzalo-guerrero/

 

https://ancientmayaculturaltraits.com/2023/09/30/maya-bloodletting-and-elite-initiation/

 

https://es-m-wikipedia-org.translate.goog/wiki/Gonzalo_Guerrero?_x_tr_sl=es&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl

=en&_x_tr_pto=sc

https://allthatsinteresting.com/famous-interracial-couples/4

 

https://www.ancient-origins.net/history-famous-people/gonzalo-guerrero-father-first-mestizos-and-army-captain-mayans-006129

 

https://www.thehistorycorner.org/articles-by-the-team/99yobciicyzjpl78wsb7maikyubro6

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

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EP 18: Dawn and Elimu's Interracial Love Bubble: Having Hard Conversations About Race

Joining us today are Dawn Ellinwood and Elimu Nelson, an inspiring interracial couple who, after navigating the challenges of each raising their own children and primarily dating within their own racial backgrounds, now find themselves together, in their 50s, maintaining a strong connection despite their semi-long distance relationship. Tune in to hear about Dawn’s experience around transracial adoption as a mother to her two daughters from her previous marriage. Also, discover Elimu's journey of being caught between racial perceptions as a young boy and evolving into an adult who embraces his black identity, prioritizing connection in relationships. Together, they gracefully navigate the complexities of their relationship, offering insights into the dynamics of blended families and the unspoken rules of dating across racial lines. Stay tuned as we explore how their relationship has fostered healing, support, and joy in their lives

 

Show notes:

• Introduction to Elimu and Dawn. They’re favorite films What makes Elimu cry, the duo personas: Boris and Natasha 
• How they met. 
• Dawn’s surprising connection to BLM and Elimu’s quest to change black Hollywood
• Dawn’s relationship to birth and motherhood and reasons for going through a transcultural and transracial adoption process. 
• Dawn shares one of the main things that people don’t take into account around adoption 
• The challenges of being a parent to an adoptee from a different “race” and being able to help them navigate situations they have never experienced, or the adoptees feeling misunderstood. Seeing your limitations as a parent.
• Your adopted kids wanting to look like you. Perceiving your race as the better one. Growing up as a minority in your area.
• Talking about race without also making it the main focus
• Staying in conversation with the kids. Asking questions. Giving answers. Being willing to have the hard conversations.
• Finding others who can support them who understand - like Elimu
• Elimu’s experiences as a Black man in America. Always looking over his shoulder.
• Elimu on growing up in Milton Massachusetts and why he was treated differently from other black kids in his school
• Elimu shares a racist encounter when he was 7 - “You stick with your kind and I’ll stick with mine” 
• Navigating wanting to people please white people, but be in with the black people
• Elimu as a kid and how he had a fear of Black people being raised in a predominantly white neighborhood and seeing how black people were depicted in the media - feeling ashamed of his fear.
• Understanding where racism comes from. Not excusing is. 
  
• Have the hard conversations around race as an interracial couple. Recognizing  and acknowledging that one partner has more privilage.
• Judgements, fears and stigmas around interracial dating. 
• Having multiple perspectives on interactions - maybe they aren’t as racist or maybe they are. 
• Dawn talks about “Us” vs “Them" mentality, whether in politics, race, religion or area of the country.
• Questioning the belief systems that have been handed down to us, and taking the extra step to break the cycle rather than succumb to it, when it comes to racism. 
• Elimu's view on Stereotypes 
• the unspoken rules of race in interracial dating. 
• Unspoken familial expectations
• Elimu talks about the advantage of dating within one's "race"
• Discussing relationship parameters . What’s the expectation of dating each other. How will they handle the “smoke.” not avoiding situations but also not rocking the boat. The transitional phase in the relationship
• Dawn’s reservations before dating Elimu
• Elimu’s dating history of dating woman of color and what changed when he met Dawn
• Dawn meeting Elimu’s parents and why Elimu’s father sent Dawn Caviar for her birthday

 

Music by Mathias Kunzli www.mathiaskunzli.com

 

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